I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
