So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Holy sore nipples Batman
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
