shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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