So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
