When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
