Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
