in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
