And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
