so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When are your genitals available?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
