oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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