The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
