I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
