The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize