Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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