The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
