JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
