dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
