I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize