dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
