So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
