At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
