Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
