I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize