I got chris browned last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
