Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
a search helicopter?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
