so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
