ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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