I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Randomize
