oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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