go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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