who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
