My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't make out with my wife yet
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
