I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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