She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
