apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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