If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
