I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
