I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Randomize
