That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
