I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize