Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
