You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
