____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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