i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
