I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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