Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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