What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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