Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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