He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
