you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
