I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
