she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
