is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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