We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
