Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
