There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
