$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
