He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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