Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
