i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
honey bunches of taint.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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