Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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