Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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