It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
