I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
