I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
