I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
