guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
