I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Are we still banned from the library?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
