It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
how drunk are you?
Several
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize