I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Did I show you my penis last night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
