Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
