I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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