Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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