is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
