you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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