So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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