so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
