Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
