with your own penis?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
